Reset - Rebirth - Revive
What a wild ride these past few weeks have been. You may have forgotten that last month was “May Miracle Month” which started out with sharing about many miracles happening all around me: getting a new (used) car, moving in to a beautiful guesthouse to nest in for five weeks in Santa Fe, New Mexico leading up to the Phenomenon and the Gift Course (which ROCKED by the way!) and my little (or big) GOT miracles (Game of Thrones crazy fun stuff).
But woah, things took a turn, and for these past few weeks, what I thought was the most tragic thing that could’ve happened to me in a long time, also turned out to be a sort of miracle.
About ten days in to the miraculous month of May, I did the inconceivable. I left my most precious, treasured piece of machinery, the gift that all the North America Oneness Trainers pitched in and purchased for me back in 2012 when my years of seva (volunteering) at Oneness University were coming to an end and I needed support getting back out here in to the Matrix, a 13” MacBook Air, in the seat pocket in front of me on a Southwest flight to San Fran where I was going to participate in a Women’s Uninhibited Leadership Retreat. I’ll never forget it. We landed, and my sister called whom I love and adore, so of course we began chatting in excitement as we were going to be seeing each other soon. But then something else happened, the woman behind me dropped her heavy piece of luggage right on my shoulder and I was stunned and physically hurt, so I turned around, expecting a loving apology and this young woman just sort of rolled her eyes at me and turned away and kept looking on her phone. I was completely triggered, shocked, and instantly in a charge. How dare she not apologize or acknowledge what she just did! And what happens when we are in a charge? FAILURE OF INTELLIGENCE! Darnit!
I hate it when that happens!!!! It’s just the worst thing ever cause it’s a set up for a huge fumble fart….and that’s exactly what happened. I never once thought about my computer OR my personal journal that were still sitting in the seat pocket in front of me, but instead was so gripped in the fact that a woman just hurt me physically and didn’t have the decency to not only apologize, but to see if I was alright. Was this a reflection of me? What was going on here? I was mad.
Six hours later, well in to the evening, I realized that someone in India was trying to reach me and when I went to grab my most treasured device out of my bag, it was no where to be found. And right then and there, I knew what I had done. I saw the entire thing in a flash before my eyes as if it were a movie and I started to laugh. I couldn’t believe what I had done, and clearly saw the charge and what happens when we are in a charge and how there is failure of intelligence, but had no doubt in every cell of my being that my Divine was going to bring my most treasured device back to me. I called Southwest, filed a lost item report, went online, filed another lost item claim and started to pray. There was nothing I could do until Friday and it was Tuesday night.
I proceeded to my women’s retreat, where we set intention, did bold body movement, sacred ceremony, shamanic ritual, laughed, cried, released the old and called in the new, got up and spoke in front of each other as if we were speaking in front of hundreds of people, we supported, loved and helped each other to grow and become more of the leaders we want to see in the world. It was empowering, humbling, full of wisdom and learning. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok, for I had just lost my most treasured device, but I was calm as a clam. I kept responding with, “What can I do except pray? I know my Divine will have it waiting for me Friday night when I get back to the airport.” They were astonished. How was I so calm?
Friday came, and I left the retreat early because by about 2pm, the nerves started to creep in at the notion that there could be a possibility that I wasn’t getting my most treasured device back. I drove frantically to the airport, completely ungrounded, attempting to “finish up” the ceremony we hadn’t quite finished during the retreat only to find myself pulled off on the side of the road trying to save the convertible the Divine had given me from setting on fire. It was a charge in action…not good.
I get to the airport to find out that WHAT? My flight has been cancelled? Are you kidding me? I can either get myself to Oakland airport with not enough time to spare, or put myself in a hotel for the night and take an early flight back in the morning. I literally would have to land back in Albuquerque and have to drive directly to a Oneness Gathering in Santa Fe where we were introducing a group of new people to Oneness. I knew this wasn’t a good sign.
So I told the woman behind the counter that I’d think about my options for a few moments while I went down to the baggage centre to pick up my lost computer and journal. I got to the lost baggage counter, and the kindest gentleman helped me. He searched and he searched and he searched and he searched and after 30 minutes of searching all over the country, we finally gave up. At the last minute I said, “Did you happen to find a blue journal?” And the woman standing next to him said, “Was it a real pretty journal with pretty gold flowers on it? And when you opened it up on the first page, did it say, ‘I am a Confident Woman with Grace’?” I was mortified, because that was my journal, which they had found, but not my computer. Was I a confident woman with Grace? Wasn’t feeling so at that moment.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? The mind kicks in full force with the WHY WHY WHY? The question that can NEVER be answered.
Two and a half weeks later, still no computer, no journal, but something new has been born. There was a shedding, a molting, a letting go that I haven’t experienced in a very very long time that felt like a re birth. The vision of a Phoenix rising kept coming in over and over and I knew that something big, deep, old and crusty that was no longer serving me was dying. A reset button was being hit and I was taken down to my knee’s. I cried, and cried and cried and cried some more. Not only did I lost my most treasured gift that my Oneness family so graciously bought me back in 2013, but I lost 11 years of my life on that machine. My hard drive broke six months back and I never backed up again. Wow, seriously? Cleaned, wiped out, gone forever.
Catherine has started anew…fresh…raw…vulnerable…empowered…ready….and more open to the Divine guidance than ever before.
My speech for Sun Valley Wellness Festival was written out in my journal and typed a second time in my computer. Both gone, but what did that give me? Confidence in my Divine…it was a miracle to lose my computer for it has taught me on an even deeper lever, to surrender, let go, and trust. And it works.
Rocked Sun Valley ~ had a great time, a great turn out and now on to new adventures, new computers, new friends and a fresh start. Let’s all reset for June 1st and bring the magic and awareness back in to our daily lives. It’s at our fingertips to be had in every moment, we just have to stop, breath and tune in.
So much love, Grace & magic Catherine