"Transformed are the ones that can see themselves both as beauty and as chaos, and still choose to love themselves."
(My niece created this painting and wrote the quote yesterday while in the garden)
"I am strong because I've been weak, I am fearless because I've been afraid, I am wise because I've been foolish."
Life circumstance creates pressure, friction, a build up of energy, like a seedling bursting through the earths crust, like a butterfly breaking through its chrysalis, which can sometimes feel like resistance, as if you are stuck. Yet if we can trust that it is the fuel, the power, the heat and flame igniting the flowering of your heart which propels you forward in so many ways, limitless potential is there. When the pressure finally cracks? Sometimes in the form of tears, laughter, bliss or rage? It is the most Divine gift, an opening, an opportunity for the heart to blossom, for growth to occur and reveal more of the real, authentic YOU that is meant to show up in the world.
Sometimes we get stuck in our perceptions, our limiting beliefs, our patterns and programs. We judge, compare and see others as being further along, doing better, reaching more people, connected more strongly to the Divine. But, if we are truly one fabric of consciousness, if we are one giant web connected throughout this and other dimensions including time and space, then how can anyone be ahead of or further along than the other?
Some of you may know about what has been transpiring over this past year with my niece. She has been given an opportunity for growth in the form of Anorexia Nervosa, an eating disorder that includes body dysmorphia, delusional states, denial, starvation of the body, mind and spirit, leaving what I’ve witnessed to be a shell of emptiness.
When we first began this adventure with our good ‘ol friend, ED (eating disorder), there was so much resistance, so much shame & guilt, so many questions like, “how could I have done better” or “where did I go wrong” or “how could this be happening in MY family???”.
It was hard to remember what was real and what was a fabrication of the mind (all of it is though, right?).
So much judgment and non acceptance of what was happening.
Throughout this twisting, shocking, extremely scary, icy cold roller coaster of a ride, so many emotions such as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, frustration, impatience and non acceptance have been present.
There have been weeks of “God has got this” to weeks of “WTF??? Why isn’t this shifting???”
It has been a true testament of faith, of deep trust, of surrendering into the words,
“Let Go and Let God”.
Yesterday brought a breakthrough. My niece came home from two weeks of being immersed in her latest adventure of recovery, in the form of horse therapy and hypnotherapy (among many other therapies), thinner than ever, yet her spirit was somehow alive. It felt as if I hadn’t witnessed her spirit in months…maybe throughout this entire past year?
And there it was.
It was in her eyes.
It was as if the spirit of the horse was in her eyes saying loud and clear to me,
“Let Go and Let God, we’ve got this”.
And in one instant, when that pressure felt so intensely tight, so restrictive, so constricting….it finally broke. Out came the tears, the fear, the denial, the judgement, the chaos and in its place, came deep trust, surrender, beauty and the LOVE….the pure LOVE that all ways knows that when we “Let Go and Let God”, every thing falls into “perfection” no matter what the outcome.
Today, I am grateful to be back in the space of trust, knowing that this too can change in any given moment. I am back in the zone of allowing, of being in the flow, with a deep inner truth that this gift that has been given to my niece in the form of ED, is her path, it’s her lesson right now, and through it all? We get to grow, we all get to learn and continue this process of awakening & the flowering of the heart.
ps. Minutes after I finished writing this, my niece texted me the above photo. I once again, burst into tears "seeing" her through this image as well as the quote.
The Phoenix is rising, death and re-birth.